"Even if I get tapped out I feel like I learn something and get some knowledge out of it. I feel it's okay to lose to my opponent. I feel it's not okay to lose to myself." I appreciate that comment ashkii. I have been wanting to add an entry on getting tapped. I have never had any problem tapping to others who have been in the game longer than I, but I have struggled tapping to those who are equal in rank or have been doing it for a shorter period of time than I have. I need to look at it as a learning experience rather than looking at it as losing to myself. When it occurs I see their progression, and I commend them for it, but then I ask myself, "Why are they progressing, and you are not? Am I not training hard enough?" I need to check my ego at the door, as one of my school motto's say. I realize how much you can learn when you intentionally put yourself in vulnerable positions; however, the psychological power of constantly beating someone at my level or greater is a very powerful force for my motivation. I see it as a pretty good measurement of my progression. (Maybe I need to develop a new measuring tool. If there is another that anyone knows of please comment to this entry and let me know.) I need to work on this, and look at it as learning experience as you see it ashkii. I acknowledge that there are racial barriers that exist in the world but don't exist in my world, or my dojo, but I haven't gotten past the superiority complex I have over those who have been training as long as I, or have been training for a shorter period than myself. I guess everyone is my equal no matter what their sex, color or creed are, and also if they have been there 10 years or 10 days. I need to realize this. I personally believe it takes a competitive personality to excel in Jiu-Jitsu, but I find that personality of mine getting in the way of me progressing in the art as I should.
